i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
