How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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