just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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