he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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