I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
