By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
