im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
