ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
