She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
