Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
