Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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