It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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