You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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