i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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