i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
