Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
