i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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