I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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