I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
