im about as happy as oj after his trial
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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