she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
