We won't sleep together?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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