I just pynch a tree in the face
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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