we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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