if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
