Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
