He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
