I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
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i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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