90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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