apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
