Soap is not a condiment
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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