i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
