how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
