Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
