So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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