So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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