so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
