How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
