never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
