Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
