I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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