wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
