I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
