All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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