Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
