Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
