see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
