I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
