is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
