no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.