It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize