At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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