Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
