last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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