Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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