garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
