Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
