A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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