Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
