did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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