wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You ruined the universe
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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