I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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