you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
