I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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