so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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