apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need water and some morals
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
