Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
