are you so shy because you have an std?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
