dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
