Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
