So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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