I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
