Only a mothe r could love this liver
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
